Thursday, 28 May 2009

Fuck December

Fuck December in its tiny little asshole filled with the mountains of crap it has yet to shit all over the world. November has already puked its neon lights all over the cites and towns. it's already day 6 and I'm about to consider hibernation.

what has December done for me? or undone I should say

1) depressed the hell out of me with that "everything will be alright because its Christmas" bullshit. fuck Christmas, its been nothing but 1 major disappointment since 97. which brings me to point 2

2) the shitty ass weather has ruined many a December. it's particular annoying nowadays because I need good weather in order to have a semi-clear signal for the Internet (as you know I need that to talk to people). before it used to just freeze my balls off and kill my electricity so I couldn't use the PlayStation back in the old school days.

3) the whole "family together" thing "just because its Christmas". yes, it seems that Christmas is the root of all problems, doesn't it? why is it such a big deal to be with people for 1 day you don't even speak to or visit (when you very easily could walk 3 blocks and see them) for the rest of the year? if anything, you should see people you wont normally see at all or people you WANT to spend time with. but then it might lead to my first point and become hypocritical of me IF it is for the "well, its Christmas" reason.

you should see people because you want to, not because some strange old dudes a sheep herder and a freaking star all appeared over a stable where some pregnant virgin finally dropped her load. I'm seeing Jackie in 2 weeks because I actually want to not because of this Christmas crap. Jesus wont get his family together on your birthday and make models of your family all bunched up together in a delivery room so don't do it for him. fuck Christianity.

4) my birthday. this may sound selfish but I hate my birthday. purely for the fact that its totally over shadowed by the worst holiday ever. it's got to the point where I don't want a birthday any more because quite frankly if nobody else can be bothered to pay attention to it then I wont either. You know what I got for my birthday one year? a pocket dictionary. HOO-FUCKING-RAY!!! now I can define things on the go. go fist yourself, father.

5) the advertising.... the worst thing about December and the months leading up to it by far is the advertising. you know what moth I saw my first Christmas ad this year was? AUGUST!!!!!! August?!?! we've not even got back to school yet and were being forced fed x-mas dribble. I don't even want to watch TV at this time in case I have a seizure from the fairy lights and snowflakes on EVERY COMMERCIAL!!!!!!! and when the day when everybody gets disappointed finally has come and gone ...they still show this crap!!!!! no wonder there are so many fights during this time. this shit drives me mad just talking about it

6) the idiots who decorate their houses. go on.. waste your electricity. look like an attention whore. you are the only thing that amuses me this time of year..and not because the lights are pretty or the Homer Simpson "Father Christmas" (I'll be dead before I call him Santa) is humorous. you look like idiots and you'll not be smiling when you have to take that shit down when its pissing down with icy rain.

what should we do about it though? how do we stop December from being such a shitty month?

I have a solution.

there are 365 days in the year (leap years don't count). 13 x 28 is 364 if I am not mistaken. (yes, google calculator just proved me right) which means we could in theory have 13 months of 28 days except 1 with 29 (and it will get the extra day on leap years because its just superior in that way).

how will this get rid of December?

well, we just don't have one. with the new fair equal opportunities calender (except for February who will be the only surviving original month with its 29th day) no more December. sure it wont fix the weather but who gives a fuck, I want a new calender.

Original Myspace post date : Thursday, December 06, 2007

No comments: