Wednesday, 10 June 2009

Eminem - Relapse REVIEW

I've not really been into Hip Hop all that much in recent years. Nothing really stood out for me except maybe stuff by The Game (post G-Unit of course). That's when I came across this.

It was by an unknown artist called Eminem (E-My-Nem) this being his debut album. Eminem is a dark haired rapper. The reason I even picked it up was because of the cover art. I mean, who can resist mosaic pictures?!

The album has 15 Tracks (20 if you count the skits) which vary in themes, sounds, words and length, unlike most music nowadays.

So here is my track by track guide/opinions of each of these tracks. Each track will get a rating out of 10 and at the end an overall rating. Skits do not get rated.

#1- Dr West (skit) :
Emimen and Kanye West are discussing what would happen if Kanye and Dr. Dre had a love child. Hilarity ensues.


#2- 3 a.m.: 3 AM is a song about waking up at 3am to feed your cat because it won't shut up. Eminem eventually kills the cat. All is peaceful but then the dog starts making noise. It's a "Here we go again" sing-a-long fun fest. The beat is sampled from "What's New Pussycat". 7/10


#3- My Mom: A lovely song about his Mother. How he and her had their ups and downs but in the end he loves her no matter what. Here's a sample of the lyrics:
"They say I'm wrong and I'm heartless, but all along
I was lookin for a father he was gone
I hung around with the Thugs, and even though they sold drugs
They showed a young brother love"

He raps about how, even being a bastardized, homosexual drug dealer in his youth, his Mother stood by him. Lovely. 9/10


#4- Insane: As the title suggests, this song is totally insane. Some of the words he manages to rhyme are incredible. The song is about world peace by the way, hence INSANE. A bit hippy-ish if you ask me but it'll grow on you. 6/10


#5- Bagpipes from Baghdad: Now this is an interesting song. Eminem imagines himself as a Scottish Bagpipe player being send to play live in front of a crowd for a local caber tossing and haggis party, only to find the venue was booked in Baghdad! Those silly bookers! The beat is bagpipes playing Amazing Grace. Such a funny song! One of my favorites. 9/10


#6- Hello: Everybody album has a party song. This song is about meeting new people at a party. But everybody he meets is weird and wants to have sex with him when all he wants is to be just friends. We've all been there. 6/10


#7- Tonya (skit): Tonya from the previous song and Eminem are having sex..then he kills her with his penis as she's allergic to phallus. LOL!


#8- Same Song & Dance: He's not even shy about this one. It's the same words, same music even the same music video as You Can't Touch This by MC Hammer. I hate that song! 3/10


#9- We Made You: Eminem and his friend make a Play Dough Boy and he comes to life. He wants to find his mum but Eminem sings to convince him that "We Made You". The Play Dough Boy freaks out and kills everybody. Silly song but catchy none the less. 7/10


#10- Medicine Ball: Eminem has magical testicles. They can heal you. WTF was this guy on when he writes this stuff? Brilliant Rhyming here.
"Say everybody have you seen my balls?
They're big and salty and brown
If you ever need a quick Pick-me-up
Just stick my balls in your mouth!
Ooh, suck on my calpol coated balls,
Stick em in your mouth and suck em!
Suck on my Mediciney balls
they're packed full of vitamins
and good for you,
So suck on My balls!"
8/10


#11- Paul (skit): Paul McCartney wants to suck Eminem's Balls. So Eminem "kicks him in the cunt". Seriously... drugs were the influence here.


#12- Stay Wide Awake: Remember when you were younger and couldn't wait for Christmas day? This is the song for you. That is if you can't sleep and end up killing your parents after finding out that they are Father Christmas and it wasn't some fat bald guy. Brilliant! 8.5/10


#13- Old Time's Sake (Feat. Dr. Dre): Holy Shit! Dr. Dre recorded a song! This song immediately gets 10/10. This song is great. Dr. Dre raps about getting high (what else?!) Eminem talks about Mountain Climbing to get high. He must have been watching Bear Grylls. 10/10


#14- Must Be The Ganja: Eminem now sings about how he is failing at life from smoking all the weed. Another comedy classic from this brown haired clown. There's no real chorus here. Verses include:
"I was gonna make love to you but then I got high
I was gonna eat yo pussy too but then I got high
now I'm jacking off and I know why, yea heyy,
- cause I got high [repeat 2X]
must be the ganja"
. 8/10


#15- Mr. Mathers (skit): Eminem's dad comes to visit Eminem when he was 3. He then gets raped. Lovely! He then tells his mother and his mother yells at him for being a whiny bitch. So the dad "punishes" him again. He even gets felched. Yeah.... That's what I thought.


#16- Déjà Vu: Eminem raps about the glitch in The Matrix. How this get 3 verses is beyond me but Eminem finds a way. 8/10


#17- Beautiful: Eminem does a cover of Christina Aguilera's Beautiful. Very tastefully done. Every adjective has "fuckin'" in front of it.
"Your fuckin' Beautiful
In every fuckin' single way
Fuckin' words don't fuckin' bring me the fuck down
(Don't bring me down y'all)"
. 9/10


#18- Crack A Bottle (feat Dr. Dre & 50 Cent): The "platnuim trio" talk about how they break bottles of beer over each other's heads when they get drunk. Really, that's it. It's like "Jackass" The song. I skip this track after Eminem and Dr. Dre's verse is done. 2/10


#19- Steve Irwin (skit): Paul McCartney from earlier is sucking Steve's balls but accidental says Eminem's name. Steve "kicks Paul in the cunt" before being murdered by Eminem in a stingray suit. This is how it happened, apparently. This skit is depicted in the album booklet.


#20- Underground: Last song on the album. It's a song about Crab People. The Crab People have disguised themselves as the X-Factor and American Idol Judge Simon Cowell. Their plan is to make music so shit and irritating that all humans will kill themselves.

Eminem sees thru their guise and boils him alive in Gordon Ramsey's restaurant. At the end of the song Eminem and Gordon have a mini rap battle. Gordon wins so Eminem "kicks him in the Cunt".

This song is so off the hook the fishermen have given up and gone home. It's incredible. I actually ejaculated when I first heard this. Buy this album just for this song. 1111111/10.


Final Rating: 8/10

For a debut album, this is amazing. There are obviously some skip tracks, like Crack A Bottle, but it's all worth listening to. Especially that final song. I'm still mopping up semen stains.

I'm just playing Eminem, you know I love ya.

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