Friday, 5 November 2010

So I apparantly swear a lot.

Based on my Status Updates
I swore 72 times! I swear more than 96% of all Facebook users.
Here are all of my swearings:
Oct 30, 2010 I really hate Mariah fucking Carey! She's up there with Hitler and SJP.
Oct 22, 2010 Will Smith can eat a dick.
Oct 21, 2010 WTF is this shit? Where's True Blood?!
Oct 13, 2010 "Do you mean F for Freddy"? No Bitch, I mean F for Fucking listen carefully to what I say on the goddamn telephone!
Aug 9, 2010 I thought titanic was epic shit. titanic 2 is beyond awful.
Aug 3, 2010 Didcot today, Abingdon tomorrow.. fuck 2Pac, -I- get around.
Jul 19, 2010 how is one supposed to apply for shit online when the internet only decides to work on facebook!?
Jul 16, 2010 "I wanna ask you one question If I had some nuts, hangin on the walls, what did I have honey?" I said, "Darling you'd have some walnuts." She said, "Well.. daddy if I had some nuts on my chest, would those be chestnuts?" I said, "Hell yes!" She said, "Well daddy if I had nuts under my chin would those be chin-nuts?" I said, "Hell no bitch you'd have a dick in your mouth!"
Jul 11, 2010 Now can they burn all those fucking vuvuzelas?
Jul 8, 2010 Random Event : An informal chat appears. Alex uses charm and wins. Receives an offer to apply for A-Plan Insurance.....again. The cunts have rejected me 2 times now (one time without even acknowledging me). This is their last chance.
Jul 2, 2010 I'm FUCKING FREE!!!!!!... or have been made redudnant. Swings and roundabouts? Forget that, I'd take the slide out of this playground, thanks.
Jun 30, 2010 it's fucking D-Day.
Jun 27, 2010 as much as I have crusaded against this tournament... I had to watch this game. I love how my predictions are right in terms of shambolic performances after scraping thru the groups. England'll somehow get a 2nd. extra time will be slow and sloppy. and they'll fuck up pens. if england win this, i'll wear the st george flag like the blue rag for a week.
Jun 25, 2010 an actual interview, not a shitty agency meeing? i'm happy
Jun 23, 2010 Lucky bastards!
Jun 21, 2010 megavideo is a piece of shit. I'll be damned if I haveta wait 50 mins.....
Jun 18, 2010 GET IN ALGERIA! GET THE FUCK IN! Perfect result.
Jun 12, 2010 how many more times am I going to have to write to these fucking morons?
Jun 7, 2010 fuck sake!!! internet disconnected RIGHT before the end of corrie! all i saw was tony with the petrol! thank you faux-god for ruining my life!
Jun 1, 2010 I swear the old dude in front of me on the bus took a shit in his drawers!
May 17, 2010 shut your god-damn mouth... or else i'm gunna kick you... square in the balls... asshole
May 11, 2010 dear volcano: fuck off!
May 6, 2010 even though I registered to vote and was told that because I did it online I didn't need to send anything back, I'm not on the register so I can't vote. Fuck this country. I hope it burns.
May 5, 2010 If you can vote tomorrow, you better vote. Don't care who for (Not BNP) just fuckin' do it. When the results come in, you are only allowed to bitch IF you voted.
Apr 26, 2010 saw the funniest thing on TV but cannot repeat what it was.. all I can say is.. "this one is 50 Cent... G-Unit!" I'm going to hell, I know.
Apr 24, 2010 Well it's the Soopaman Luva nah bitch call me Pimp Nutz (Who?) P-P-Pimp Nutz (Who?) P-P-Pimp Nutz
Mar 29, 2010 Boycott Halifax : Those ads are beyond shite.
Mar 29, 2010 Aussie Road Minister criticised Lewis Hamilton on the day that Victoria launched a Don't Be a Dickhead road safety campaign. Sums Hammy up in a nutshell really....
Mar 23, 2010 you know when you have a day so shit that you start worrying about things that do not even warrent worrying over? yeah... i hate that
Mar 15, 2010 so a snake shits on the table........ "Less than" 3>
Mar 9, 2010 I can't change my middle name to Mr. Bitches. Thanks for not being fun Facebook
Mar 7, 2010 When they complain, they are not looking for advice or solutions, they just want you to listen. When you offer suggestions or advice, you’re just trying to help, but they don’t see things that way. To them, you are being bossy and not listening. I know, it’s fucking crazy and retarded, but it’s the way they work.- The Bible on women
Mar 4, 2010 why can't i change my status to widowed? fuck you facebook you insensitive bastard!
Mar 4, 2010 "If you don't know how spell correctly then get out of this company!" - KD this coming from the person who passes cheques to "Aco Cunts"
Mar 2, 2010 that annoying bitch on Channel 4 is pissing me off!
Feb 25, 2010 ... so i get bollocked for being proactive... nice. fuck you Dean! fuck you!
Feb 21, 2010 NO! the audio has corrupted on the podcast video with Eddie O'Keeffe, Joe O' Keeffe, Ian Wiggins & Peter Ceresa. damn you youtube!
Feb 4, 2010 finally gets to see royal rumble... tomorrow. downloaded bitches!
Feb 2, 2010 bit my tounge as i sneezed. fuck sake!
Jan 27, 2010 I wish Pat Clifton was real.... he ALWAYS delivered the post to the right fucking address and not the return address! If anybody sees a Faringdon post office employee; kick them in the crotch. Hard. Toe first if possible.
Jan 23, 2010 kenny, how would you like to sodomize my black ass?
Jan 21, 2010 fuck shit piss! i left my phone at work.
Jan 21, 2010 will this week hurry the fuck up?
Jan 20, 2010 dear snow: why don't you just fuck off and lighten up? why don't you just lighten up and stop falling on the ground before i get pissed off. i actually get pissed off and go into your house and start kicking the shit out of you and slapping the.. fuck out of you to make some sense into you.
Jan 17, 2010 fuck, why can't I go to sleep?
Jan 10, 2010 fuck, more snow. i hope jackie can make it to heathrow ok tomorrow.
Jan 8, 2010 on predictive text, lord came before lost. fuck, my phone is christian!
Jan 4, 2010 the new butlins ad uses "meat spin" music... fuck knows what goes on there!
Dec 13, 2009 doesn'd give 2 shits about X-Factor or raging against the machine. if you want to fuck the system, don't pay attention to the shit. Rick Astley's never Gonna Give You Up would have been a better choice to fuck SC over anyway as Pete Waterman was the producer (and he's been slagging off x-factor).
Dec 7, 2009 there's a term for that.... like girls who say PUTS IT IN MUH BUTT because they don't wanna lose their virginity. if anoybody knows can you tell me cos it's annoying the hell out of me. desperate or idiot doesnt count.
Dec 6, 2009 butt sex = bad romance
Nov 26, 2009 somebody stimulate my mind plz! I'm talking in txt talk god damnit!
Nov 24, 2009 just saw this in an episode of south park in the alphabet above the blackboard - "dios mios an matado a kenny bastardos"
Nov 11, 2009 is so shit-fuck bored of not having work to do. SOMETHING HAPPEN! PLEASE!
Nov 10, 2009 says to hell with Crap of Doody - Modern Gay Stupid Fuck 2.
Oct 29, 2009 just flashed perry bishop his boobs... damn thats a lot o fhorny middle ages closet lesbians
Oct 24, 2009 thinks people need to grow the fuck up and not take stupid shit so serious..and to stop dragging me into it.
Oct 23, 2009 the post office delivered the junk mail today. thanks, but fuck you!!!
Oct 6, 2009 even BT's auto updates don't wrk... fuck this, i'm joining TalkTalk
Sep 21, 2009 Renault? Banned for 2 years? Good bye Cuntlonso!
Sep 18, 2009 wants BT to fuck off and die a slow death
Sep 4, 2009 Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, naked myself as it seemed convenient. He disapproved, proceeding to scratch my manparts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with a blood infection, swollen manparts, and an 8" needle hole in my butt where I had to get antibiotics. FML
Aug 19, 2009 fuck shit! shit is fucked! i hate, no, i LOATHE Perry Bishop
Aug 18, 2009 when people make appointments to see say, your flat. they should KEEP-TO-THEM! Fuck Perry Bishop and that time wasting blonde dickhead!
Aug 17, 2009 : people are viewing our flat tomorrow. Fuck!
Aug 4, 2009 Today, I went home with a guy I just met in a bar. I went to the bathroom real quick, and when I came out I was greeted by him with a 12 inch strap-on dildo on his head, and the words "I'm gonna fuck you like a unicorn." FML
Jul 30, 2009 : Fuck Michael Schumacher! Let the cheating recommence!
Jul 1, 2009 thinks England is full of whiny bitches and people talking about crap nobody cares about... yes I am aware of the irony of this statement.
Jun 27, 2009 thinks that there is some really weird shit on Canadian TV
Jun 15, 2009 doesn't care if this week sucks ass cos he's off on holiday on Saturday!!!!

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